Quid Sit?

This Saturday, I was ordained a priest.

It’s been difficult to put a finger on what to say about it, exactly. I originally began blogging to explore the discernment process, a theme I more-or-less stayed true to through my three projects, Saint Some Days, Fiat: Discerning God’s Call, and here at Quid Sit? And now that my vocational discernment has come to its conclusion, I find myself overwhelmed by a number of thoughts and emotions that are difficult to accurately describe outside the context of prayer.

People ask me if I feel any different, which is another difficult thing to answer. Of course I feel different, but how I feel different  is impossible to put down in words.

I think I can describe one part of it, though.

When my brothers and I hit the marble during the Litany of Saints, it struck me that everything I’d experienced — the good, the bad, and the ugly — all of it was leading up to that very moment. It struck me that I’m a worm and no man, and here I am, on the floor, no more than a speck of dust in the cosmos, acknowledging that fact. I acknowledged that God has called me to do something that I alone cannot do. I felt very small.

Then I stood up. I did not stand because I thought myself worthy of such gift or responsibility. I stood to receive the bishop’s hands because God called, and I knew — in that very moment — that the God who willed such a thing for me would always give me the grace to live up to my ordination.

And it’s been all thanksgiving ever since.