Good deal. It’s been a while. I’d like to get back to blogging. So I put the tablet down, and picked up my MacBook Air (buy an ASUS Zenbook, folks: they weren’t out when I absolutely needed an ultra thin, ultra powerful computer, and I regret not waiting. But that’s neither here nor there). Since I was planning on writing a blogpost, I needed to find some way to do it that wouldn’t absorb more focus and energy than the content of the post itself.

And therein lies the problem with tablets: content generation. Tablets are excellent for content consumption: nowadays, I read blogs almost exclusively through my aging Acer Iconia A500. But when it comes to actually doing something worth doing – becoming a producer instead of a consumer — the A500 is worthless to me.

I’ve never really understood the iPad and why people buy them. They’re certainly great for playing iPhone games on a larger screen, or browsing the web (as long as you don’t need flash, which is a huge chunk of the web nowadays), or reading books. But when’s the last time you saw someone with an iPad using a docking keyboard? One gets the sense from the way they’re marketed that the iPad is this stand-alone device, suitable for all of your basic computing needs while lounging at home, or at the beach. Certainly, there are keyboards out there for my A500, but they’re put out into the market as an afterthought.

Try writing on a keyboardless iPad (or any tablet for that matter) while you’re sitting in a chair or on the couch. Try responding to that latest email, without feeling like a seven-year-old learning to type all over again. Try mastering the angle at which you need to hold it on your lap, all while attempting to maintain fluency of thought. Typing shouldn’t be this difficult. You shouldn’t have to watch your hands. Even with the iPhone, I pay no attention to my thumbs, but that’s because I can get a solid viewing angle on the smaller screen. The iPhone is ergonomically perfect, but the iPad makes me feel like flinging the thing across the room.

The bottom line: the iPad is, like many of its competitors, a broken idea because of how it hampers your ability to produce content.

*****

There is, however, an alternative to this madness.

The ASUS Transformer Prime was never meant to be a standalone device. You can, of course, simply pick up the tablet and browse, but ASUS seems to have acknowledged the inherent problem with tablets by putting great emphasis on the keyboard itself. With the pending release of the T700, ASUS brings hardware comparable to the iPad, though it remains to be seen whether the quality and clarity of the screen matches the Apple giant. The app selection won’t be as great, but I have yet to find something on the iStore I couldn’t find in Android’s alternative. Also, since the keyboard’s extra, you’ll also likely end up paying more for the Prime.

Now, why write this post to begin with?

It certainly isn’t to bash the iPad, which is great at what it does. But if you’re in the market for a tablet, I think it’s valuable to ask yourself what you expect to get out of it. If you’re satisfied with consumption, consider the iPad. But if you want more usability, think Transformer.

Back when I was a child and learning to read, I sat down with a copy of Stevenson’s Treasure Island intended for young readers. I thoroughly enjoyed it: the characters came alive, and I got the basic narrative.

A couple years later, I sat down with the original, unabridged book, and fell in love with it to an even greater degree. The characters were even more complex, and the story was more detailed and complete. There is a depth of meaning in the original that cannot be matched by a summation of ideas and themes.

I’ve spent considerable time with the new translation, and I could have told you before yesterday that the translation would benefit all the faithful in regard to its literary merit. Translation though it is (all translations being imperfect), that the revision seeks to stick as closely as possible to the Latin text allows us to maintain a poetic quality we simply didn’t have before. I could write another post on the concept of “dynamic equivalence” through which our previous translation came to us, but suffice it to say that whenever we isolate one meaning in the name of clarity, we cut out other potential realities.

The old translation was always meant to be a transitional one, and now it’s as if the English world has taken off its training wheels. The new translation assumes that we’re mature and smart enough to handle elevated, poetic language, and I cannot help but wonder why the typical wailing-and-gnashing-of-teeth crowd misses this for the liberation it is.

Again, I could tell you all of this before yesterday.

What I could not tell you before yesterday was just how beautiful it would be to publicly celebrate this new translation. No one is able to anticipate beauty, and the act of anticipation in this regard tends to end in something short of awe. I went in expecting an edifying experience through the language, and left struck by the grandeur of God. The elevated language combined with the chant contained within the Roman Missal — and we’re using that chant liberally from here on out at my parish — was like receiving a breath of fresh air. As one Traditionalist friend in his mid-twenties said after Mass, “It felt like I actually went to church today!”

Of course, as is the case with anything new, there’s a tendency for us to become overly excited by a break in the routine. Undoubtedly, the new translation will become old hat very quickly. But again, that’s where the language comes in: if we pay attention to its depth, to its multitude, we will continue to see the beauty of the Church’s prayer.

Truth be told, my writer’s itch gets scratched through weekly homily composition. Writing a homily is a lot like blogging: they both center around fact-analysis in an attempt to relate something the writer deems important enough for the audience to hear. Plus, giving a homily is more immediately gratifying, as reactions to what you say prove whether or not you’ve missed the mark.

Homiletics makes it difficult to blog. Before all, blogging should be fun, and one should have some latitude to write on whatever he or she chooses. But as a priest, I feel like my blog should have theological content above all; and yet, at the end of the day I don’t feel like writing about theology, since I spend all day surrounded by it either in private study, prayer, ministry, or homiletics.

So, as a sort of Advent resolution, I’ve resolved to just plain write on whatever. Writing is good for me, no matter how it comes or where it goes.

At any rate, I am — once again — back.

BONUS! BONUS! BONUS! ARTWORK! ARTWORK! ARTWORK!

Prints available upon request.

It strikes me as a fair charge, given the major movies I’ve seen this summer: both Captain America and Conan the Barbarian utilize narrative to bring the viewer to the point of action, rather than the other way around. (And really… Who goes into a movie like Conan expecting anything less?)

On Monday evening, I was expecting more of the same with Rise of the Planet of the Apes. My expectations for the latest Planets installment ran low, as I expected a similar breed of mindless action that drove the the 2001 remake.

I left the theater pleasantly surprised. Rise avoids the camp of the originals, and it does not lean heavily on action to hold the audience. What action there is, is there for a reason.

Since I run the risk of ruining the movie by commenting further, let me simply end by recommending this movie to all. Even if you despise the Planet of the Apes franchise, give this one a try.

Planet of the Apes: “A”

Captain America: “C+”

Conan the Barbarian: “B”

I’ve been doing a lot of tech reading recently, as I’m particularly interested in cloud technologies as a potential solution for one of the biggest hassles I deal with every day: data access across multiple systems.

I think a Chromebook is in my future. The battery life is incredible. Everything’s done on the cloud in ways that are not OS/software dependent, which means I can slide easily from one system to the next. It certainly seems like the best solution for me at this point, rather than using drop boxes or constantly retrieving files manually across multiple systems. Do it in the cloud, save it in the cloud, print it from the cloud.

Mind you, I’d never dream of using such a device as my primary computer. I wouldn’t even think to use it as my primary laptop. But as a tertiary system — which isn’t so far-fetched in the age of tablets — it would do nicely for basic tasks. Combine an incredible battery life on the Samsung model with an 8-10 second bootup time, and it’s looking a lot like a feasible alternative to a netbook or tablet.

But what about network access?

The only consistent criticism of the Chromebook is that it is a “brick” when not connected to the Internet. Setting aside the fact that offline access to Google Docs is on the way, I have a sincere question born out of nearly 30 years of computing, 17 of which have been spent on the Internet:

Nowadays, isn’t any computer pretty much a brick when it isn’t connected to the Internet?

Sure, you can fire up a quick game of solitaire, or work on a project through your word processor.* But think about how, for the past ten or so years, your life has come to a halt by network outages in your home. Do doors open? Do family members yell to one another about the Internet being down?

Think about how booting up your device without Internet access makes you feel like the computer is somehow missing something absolutely essential to its function. I started out with computers in an age where only my fellow hardcore nerds were really interested in them; PC use didn’t really “mainstream” until we started getting all of those AOL coasters in the mail, opening the door for an (albeit stunted) introduction to web browsing and email.

All of that aside: it’s a computer for the cloud. Shouldn’t we expect it to be severely handicapped when disconnected from the cloud?

Jeers: iCloud

Likewise, shouldn’t we expect something with the name iCloud to… actually operate in the cloud?

Let me be clear: with the exception of making your pictures accessible across devices (for 30 days, and then only 1,000 of them), Apple’s iCloud does nothing in the cloud.

The concept of a cloud is rather simple when we’re looking at user-end data. I upload something and it sits in the cloud until I need it again, either on this or another device. When I need it, I copy that file to the original or alternative device.

Easy as that.

But that’s not what iCloud does for music. Software scans your music collection  against the iTunes server, then allows you to access your music collection by re-downloading it from the iTunes store. That’s not a cloud: that’s a sync. And they’ll be charging you $25 a year for the honor of doing something  iTunes should have been capable of years ago, all licensing worries aside.

I’ve been an iTunes user for at least ten years. I have a great collection of classical CD’s I transferred to MP3 format some time ago, as well as a roaring collection of Grateful Dead bootlegs. And because these songs aren’t available on the iTunes music store, “iCloud” cannot accommodate my needs between PC and iPhone.

One can’t help but note the irony, however: Apple is masterful when it comes to keeping things proprietary (which is why their devices work so well), and even with the concept of the cloud, they’re continuing that tradition.

Goodbye iTunes (and eventually the iPhone). Hello Google Music and Android.

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* All of which Google’s Chrome OS can already do, or will be able to do in the near-future.

Awesomeness. I actually saw the Tweet “live,” or about as live as it gets. Which is amazing, since I pay attention to Twitter just about as much as I do wheat commodities.

At least one of the papal grunts saved the Holy Father from the terror of actually typing out that message on a tablet of any kind.

Check out her latest, “Illuisions of Equality,” to see what I mean.

She maintains an uncanny ability to exist within the world of St. Blogs (and the blogosphere in general) without becoming insufferably negative about her particular hobby horses (which we all have). Scalia can take a decision or issue she clearly disagrees with and cut to the heart of the matter, displaying both her knowledge and tendency toward prayerful contemplation. We don’t always agree on everything, but I always love the way she says it.

So consider this a fan letter should you ever see it, Elizabeth, and keep writing for yourself and for us!